Do you know that saying about life takes something away and gives you something else back in return?
Two weeks ago my ex-boyfriend split up and I haven´t lost only him, but his entire family, which became part of my family over the years as well. I´ve lost his parents, his siblings (actually I even was in vacation with his sister three weeks ago), the friends we were used to be around with. I´ve lost all that plans in my head I´ve made for our future.
And in this time of knowing and accepting, getting used to the situation and railing against my fate I´ve read a facebook post from a friend I´m seeing maybe once a year. She asked if anyone wants to join her for seeing "Django Unchained" in the cinema. I spontaneously answered she should count me in, no need to sit at home for a new lonely evening on the sofa. A word and a blow, we enjoyed the bloody-but-funny movie a lot and decided to go for a pint afterwards.
At this point I have to go back about 4 years: I was working in an Irish Pub as a waitress during studying for about a year. In this year I met a few people that got very close friends. Especially one amazing Irish woman, who is the most caring and loving person I´ve ever met. In just a few weeks we got so incredibly close we had the feeling we would know each other for our entire lives and that was the point she started to call me her little sister. I stayed overnight at their place, they just welcomed me open-armed to join their life. I even flew over to Dublin and met their family. And then we lost each other out of no reason. I thought she was angry by me, she thought the same about me. So one day we just stopped talking to each other and I never went into that Irish Pub that used to be quite like home again.
Back to yesterday evening. So, we decided to go for a pint and the Irish Pub is right in the vaults of the cinema building. My friend is a regular there (I even met her in the Pub when I was working there - she´s one of that few special people), so she just took me in. I had the feeling of coming home, all covered with that thoughts and kind of guilt that I messed it up five years ago. Messed it up out of nothing. Messed it up and never ever stopped thinking about if I could ever forgive myself for being such a silly and stupid person. And then this Irish woman came in, welcoming my friend, not noticing me. She went behind the bar, our eyes met, but she wouldn´t say a word to me. It was such a deep hurting, I can´t tell you. How could I ever loose all this Pub was standing for? All this lovely people? How could I live on, not trying everything to fix it?
And amidst of all these thoughts she stood there, watched me. She wasn´t ignoring me, she just didn´t recognize me when she came in.
But when she did, we stood there hugging for minutes, crying, telling that we never forgot about each other.
It was such a relief. And as we sneaked out to the back-room for smoking, relapsing into our old habits like the five years in between never happened, she said that words that once and again mean the world to me:
"Welcome back, little sister"
I have to admit, I really believe in fate. I thought fate treated me unkindly when my boyfriend left me. I´m 25 years now and I was ready to build up a life with someone, to settle down, to enjoy this stage of life. We both would have finished university in two months, we would have time (no more learning at the weekends) and - when getting a job - the money to do a bit of travelling and all that fun things, before going on with the adult life. Building a house, getting children, that things. And last week I found myself - alone.
But if the split-up had not happened, I wouldn´t have been at the cinema. I wouldn´t have been in the Pub. I wouldn´t have found my Irish sister again. And for this I´m very grateful, fate. You did a good job. I couldn´t forget about my "sister" for five years, how likely is it that this will happen with the one who left me?
Oh fate, by the way, could "finding-my-future-husband" be your next task please?
No need to hurry, but keep it in mind :)
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